you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
