how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Randomize
