She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
