I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
