well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize