when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
