just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Randomize
