I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Randomize
