I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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