We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Panties = found
Randomize
