someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Randomize
