Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
