they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
