I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
