I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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