I can't watch pbs sober anymore
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Randomize
