im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
