I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
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