look no pants
How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
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