john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
I'm having to shit out rocks
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