Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
