I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Randomize
