he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
