I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize