So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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