this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Randomize
