i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize
