i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
