i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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