Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
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