i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
