CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
