can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Randomize
