fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
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