just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
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