apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
