We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Let's get the cat blown out
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
