Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
