This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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