I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
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