He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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