You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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