Moan for me like Helen Keller
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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