at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
