My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
