If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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