..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
The uberlube is also flammable
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize