Just fell off a train. Bad.
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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