WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
