You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Randomize
