I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
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