1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
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