A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
