Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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