The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
