I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
