I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize