mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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