The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I just gargled with NyQuil
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
