Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
