I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize
