it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
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