so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
