i already hear my dad disowning me
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
