I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
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