He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize