I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I can't turn off my feet"
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
