My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
you would pick up someone in the library
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Randomize
