Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Randomize
